Writing on the Wall

It seems like the quintessential experience of families with toddlers: the kid takes crayons or markers to a clean, white wall and creates a masterpiece, much to Mom and Dad's horror. Well I thought we had sidestepped that one. Since Lili'u started doing art projects of any kind, I've reminded her frequently, "Only on paper that Mommy gives you, okay?" And she has always listened really well. The only exceptions to that have been a little scribbling on her plastic play table and her play kitchen - nothing drastic.

Drastic happened a few days ago in our new apartment. While I was busy unpacking in the kitchen, Lili'u found a fluorescent pink highlighter pen and disappeared into the back of the apartment. I should have clued into the sudden sense of calm and lack of background chatter. But no, after several minutes she reappeared in the livingroom and announced in a happy, yet somewhat quizzical voice, "I wrote my name on the wall!" ..."WHAT!!!?" I responded in a less-than-gentle tone. I ran into her room and spun around scanning for the damage. Nothing. By then, she had her face buried in the her hands. "Where, Lili'u!?" I pleaded, and she pointed (face still buried in one hand) into Chris and my bedroom. There it was. "U'LiLi" written in large, bright pink highlighter script across a blank white wall in front of our bed. "NOOOO!" I gasped. And Lili'u ran to her bedroom crying.

I took a breath, went into her room, and knealt down beside her. "Lili'u why did you do that? You know you are only to color on paper Mommy and Daddy give you, right?" She replied through teary sobs, "I TRIED and TRIED not to write on the wall! I tried not to! I couldn't find paper! I just couldn't find any paper!"

That's when my heart melted. I realized that to her the desire to write her name, at that very moment, was more like an urgent, involuntary, visceral requirement. She just couldn't stop herself! And here was this pristine, white wall just beckoning to her.

Anyway, she became desperately motivated to remove the lettering from the wall so we tried several kinds of pencil erasers, which acheived nothing. Finally we called Chris, who was out running errands, and asked him to pick up a "Magic Eraser." Now I know that this product should be on some kind of top-10 list of items to have in a home with toddlers. It worked like magic!

I doubt we'll be having anymore incidents of writing on the walls. Hopefully I haven't spoiled any future prospects of Lili'u becoming an accomplished mural artist.

Moving to DC!

We haven't posted anything in 3 months. That's the timeframe in which we have finalized that we are moving to DC, given notice at our jobs, started an apartment search, a preschool search, and job searches...found an apartment, found a preschool, found one job...bought our first brand new set of living room furniture, said good-bye to friends and a church, and packed about 65% of our apartment. That's about where we are now with 4 full days remaining until our big move back to the place where we started 9 years ago. More about all of this another time. Just felt I needed to mark the significance of this week with at least this short entry.

Lily's Thoughts on War

Lili'u has a large world map above her bed, and at different points we've talked about where we are, where our families are, places we want to go, and where important things are happening. One thing we've talked about is the war in Iraq.

At first Lily seemed to think the name of the place was "Wariniraq", but then she came to understand the difference between the name and the ongoing event. Lili'u has shown a lot of interest lately in sorting out "how we feel" about different things, and what's "good," "not good," "OK," and "not nice." It's an interesting conversation to be in with a 3 1/2 year old - for me it means sorting out competing ideas about teaching my daughter about the world without limiting her free thought and efforts to sort things out for herself, while at the same time acknowledging that she just doesn't know what these things are yet, so needs some basic categories and definitions.

This morning at breakfast she said, out of the blue, "we don't like war in Iraq, but we like Iraq." (That's a distinction we've made with her - the difference between policies and people, on any side of an issue.) "But soldiers can stop war. They can say 'Stop!'" - and she puts out her hand like a crossing guard - "and they can fight and make it stop!"

Interesting. I think I mentioned the word soldier to her recently. I said soldiers are the people who fight wars, intending to distinguish between the actual people who literally carry guns in the streets of another country, and the American leaders (and electorate) who sent them there. I know we won't sort all of this out at breakfast...

"Well," I said, "the soldiers' job is to fight. And fighting can't make the war stop. When you and your friend Lela both want a toy, and you both grab it and you're fighting over it, does grabbing it and yelling and fighting more make the argument stop?"

"No."

"That's right. The only way to stop fighting is for one of the people fighting to stop and use their words. They can just let go and let the other person have the toy, or they can say 'Let's talk about how to share the toy.' But fighting doesn't make fighting stop."

That sounds right. Maybe not real practical in a geopolitical sense, but who said idealism is always practical?

Then Malia told her that our leaders, our "government" in Washington DC, are the ones who can stop the war.

"They can say 'Stop!'" - another crossing guard hand.

Then I said "And it's our job to tell our leaders what to do - that's something that everybody can do to stop war. Little girls and boys and grownups and old people can all tell our leaders that we want war to stop."

She seemed to like that. She's all about empowerment.

Maybe at dinner tonight I'll tell her about "laying yourself on the gears of the machine" to make it stop, true democracy vs. corporate plutocracy, and the entrenched military-industrial-consumer complex.

Or we might just talk about the cat.

Of buttercups, weddings, and trash hunts

My spirit has taken an upward turn with the start of spring. March brought the first signs: tempertures in the 40's, tiny green shoots emerging from the thawing soil, even crocuses here and there. With April came daffodils and cherry blossoms, and eventually tulips, buttercups, pink willows, hyacinths, and just starting to open now are the dogwoods. For all my angst about the weather in Pennsylvania, I do love spring here - and the dreadful wait that winter imposes makes the reward of spring that much sweeter.

Another highlight of March was participating in Jessica and Manuel's wedding in Sacramento! (We love you, Auntie Sica and Tio Manolo!) Lili'u was their flower girl and she had the time of her life flitting about in her beautiful white dress. She made up her own rules during the ceremony, as most flower girls in the "under five" set are apt to do: she saved the scattering of petals until she was on stage and then resorted to dumping the contents of the basket in a pile behind the bride!


In honor of Earth Day, Lili'u and I invited our good friends Luki, Leela, and baby Isa out on a trash collection walk. We each put on latex gloves and carried a plastic grocery bag. The ground rules: no broken glass and stay on the sidewalk. The girls really got into it. My guess is it was partly the joy of a hunt (like the Easter version they so enjoyed recently) and partly the novelty of getting to pick up yucky things that mommies always tell you not to touch. At one point, Lili'u struck up a conversation with some neighbors, saying "I'm cleaning up the earth! And it's okay because I'm wearing plastic gloves!" After collecting 6-8 bags full of trash, the girls helped us separate out the recyclable items. It was fun seeing their pride and excitement throughout the process.

Sweaters

Earlier this evening, Lili'u and I were sitting on the livingroom floor. We had just come home and I still had my sweater on. She said, "Hey Mama, take your sweater off! We're inside now." I asked her if she could help me. So she unzipped my sweater, pulled it off by the sleeves, and dropped it in a pile next to me. She then proceeded to brush my arms, shoulders, and back with her hands as though dusting something off of me. She said, "I'm brushing the hotness off of you. Sweaters make lots of hotness on you."

Life with young children is noisy. Today was particularly so. My spirit felt cluttered and cranky. My apartment was messy and it took all afternoon and evening to bring any amount of order or calm to it. Now, with Lili'u in bed and Chris out, I have a moment of quiet to myself.

I'm reading The Tao of Motherhood by Vimala McClure. She writes, "Can you find the silence within the noise? Can you feel the peace within the turmoil? If not, withdraw. Make time to turn inward and digest your life."

Digest my life. That's what I need. (Deep breath.)

McClure goes on, "Pay attention to your body's signals. Observe your feelings each day, and eventually you will be able to take time for yourself before it becomes an angry demand. This will enable you to give of yourself appropriately, without resentment. Clear yourself. Find the child within you, heal her, and set her free. As long as the child in you weeps and cringes, your power as a mother will be confused."

Winter is hard on me. I'm so tired of being indoors. I'm tired of being cold. I'm tired of brown, barren trees. I need spring. I need to see a crocus. I need to be able to ride my bike again. I need to breathe fresh air. Thank God next week is March! Thank God we're going to California soon!

"Thanks for the glop."

I made curried coconut lentils last night for dinner. (Joel St. Julien's recipe - so good!) In the past it's been like a stew, but I cooked it a little longer this time and it ended up more like refried beans. Lili'u said our prayer for the meal: "Dear God, thank you for the glop!" Chris and I broke into laughter. We asked her where she'd heard the word "glop," and she reminded us that it's in a book we have called Alvie Eats Soup. She wasn't very keen on trying the glop - we convinced her to have one bite. But she ate lots of brown rice and steamed broccoli, so I'm not complaining.